Finally Letting Go
by Naomi
Summary: This takes place after Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, and Sano get back from Enishi's island. Kenshin finally regains conscienceness. Kaoru and him have a little chat and Kenshin learns to let go. Heavy spoilers for Jinchuu are. Angsty with a semi-happy ending.


Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. All rights belong to Sony and Watsuki-san. To bad huh?  
  
Author's Note: This was just a fic that I felt needed to be written. I am not fully sure of everything that happened during the Jinchuu arc. I wrote this based on what I know. Sorry if there are few mistakes here and there. I changed the plot a little bit. In this, Kaoru doesn't know about her mock death. Heavy spoilers for the Jinchuu arc!!!  
  
Finally Letting Go  
  
The day was radiating with brightness from the sun. It was a new day, a hopeful day for most. The Kamiya dojo was the picture of quiet. A heavy weight still pulled down on it yet to be relieved.  
  
Kaoru slowly opened her eyes. She just wanted to stay in the dream world and escape from the harsh reality that was life. In a dream, you are in control and the strangest things make sense. Here in reality, there was no way to fix old damage in a moment. Many times it could never be fixed.  
  
It had been 2 days since the battle weary 4 at gotten back from the island. Each of them was relieving ever moment that took place on the island and trying to escape but never able to.  
  
Kaoru leaned back against the wall. Her back hurt from sleeping in an uncomfortable position. Her eyes adjusted to the light that filtered through the paper doors. She looked across the room. Her mind noting every detail. Her eyes traveled to the floor and came to rest on the figure laying on the futon. For some reason, she felt like crying again. The weight of the world seemed to crash down upon her.  
  
She remembered how each of the others had looked at her the day before. It was as if she would disappear at any moment. She had expected them to be relieved and happy to see her, but this? They were acting as if she had come back to life. What happened while she was gone? Also, why ad she been kidnapped? Enishi had continually mentioned women named Tomoe. She knew that she had been Kenshin's wife but what was she like and how had she died?  
  
She heard a sound coming from the futon. Kaoru stared hopefully. She was prying that Kenshin would finally wake up after having been asleep for 2 day. The moment of anticipation lasted forever.  
  
Kenshin slowly opened his eyes. He was trying to make it register with his mind were he was. It was familiar but his mind was still stuck in another time. All he could remember was seeing Kaoru's lifeless body pinned against the dojo wall. Kenshin's eyes glazed over and tears slid down his face. Kaoru was so glad that Kenshin was finally awake but she was shocked when he didn't look over at her. Even more then that, he started crying Kaoru didn't waste a minute. She ran over to him. She quickly found his hand and grasped it. She saw is eyes shift over to her and widen from shock.  
  
Kenshin couldn't believe it. Was this real or was this a dream. He continued to stare at her in shock until the memories of what had happened after her "death" returned. The battle, the island, and Kaoru standing in front of him protecting him. He was relieved and worried at the same time. He squeezed Kaoru's hand tighter because he needed some extra reassurance that she was alive.  
  
"You're finally awake. You've been asleep for almost to days." Kaoru whispered. She hadn't known what to say and she knew what she had said had probably sounded stupid. She didn't care. She let go of his hand and leaned down and hugged him. She finally then let go of unshed tears. Everything she had been feeling during her kidnapping, the battle between Enishi and Kenshin, and the agonizing wait for Kenshin to wake up came out. She finally let go of it all. She felt a pair of arms slowly wrap around her and hold her close. She knew that Kenshin was straining himself but she couldn't bring herself to stop him.  
  
"I'm sorry Kaoru-dono for making you worry so much and for hiding so much from you." Kaoru turned her head to looked Kenshin. There was so much unerased pain in his eyes. She knew that something at happened. She had to know.  
  
"Kenshin, what happened while I was gone? When you, Sano, and Yahiko saw me, you looked as if I had come back from the dead."  
  
"That is because you had."  
  
"What do you mean? I've been alive the whole time. I'm absolutely fine."  
  
"It was---It was horrible. We all thought you were dead. You were there, hanging lifelessly. There was blood everywhere. There was a sword through your heart. It ended up just being a doll. It was so real though. Seeing that, I could think logically. I was taken over by the reality of life without you. I was the worst kind of revenge."  
  
Kaoru couldn't believe it. Everything made sense. Her heart felt for the injured man in front of her who had gone through so much that she did and didn't know. She could imagine how he had reacted. She wondered if that she how he acted when Tomoe died. She knew that she had died in one of Kenshin's battles and that he blamed himself for her death.  
  
Kaoru looked up at Kenshin again and was surprised by the shocked expression on his face, she realized in horror that she had said everything that she had been thing aloud. She quickly withdrew from him and covered her mouth with her hand.  
  
After about a minute, Kaoru got the courage to glance back over at Kenshin. He was no longer staring at her. He was staring into space. She knew that he was reliving the awful memories that were still a mystery to her. She couldn't believe what she had just done.  
  
Kenshin finally looked at her. He felt guilty about his reaction. It was time enough that he told her. She of all people had a right to know. "Kaoru-dono, it's time I told you. I'm sick of hiding it from the world. It's going to be hard but I have to do this. Please don't stop me till I'm done or I'll never get through this."  
  
Kaoru was shocked by how he had reacted. It was what she had least expected. She took hold of his hand again because she knew he'd need it. "Okay Kenshin, go on."  
  
"It all started when I first became a hitokiri. It was during an assignment. I killed and official and his bodyguards. One of the body guards had been desperate to get back to his fiancée and ended up giving me the first part of my scar. Six months later I was at a bar and I saved a woman from a couple of drunks. She followed me and saw me kill a ninja. Blood got all over her. She said she had wanted to thank me then she fainted. The woman was Tomoe."  
  
"I took her back to the inn and she stayed there. At first I avoided her but then we began to like each other as friends and maybe more. One time, I nearly slit her throat but I was able to push her out of the way in time. It had been my instant reaction since she had been trying to cover me with her shawl while I was asleep and I had thought her an attacker. Soon after that, an incident occurred and we were forced to flee to Otsu and live as husband and wife. We lived there for 3 months happily. Soon we actually became husband and wife because we realized we loved each other. Enishi had come by once to visit Tomoe and had glared at me. I had shaken it off."  
  
Kenshin stopped. Kaoru knew he was coming to the hard part of the story.  
  
"One day, I woke up and she was gone. An officer in knew named Idezuka came by and told me that Tomoe was a traitor. The body guard that I had killed 9 months earlier had been or fiancée. She had been seeking revenge and had joined a group who also wished to kill me. I went into the woods where he said she was. I fought 3 ninjas, I killed all of them but not without injury. I reached the place where Tomoe was. The leader of the group was there waiting for mer. We fought and I was losing. I took my sword back for once last swing hoping that it would end it all. I lunged forward with all my speed and-" Kenshin squeezed Kaoru's hand tighter. Kaoru knew that this was it. "and---and there she was in front of me. She was trying to protect me with her dagger. I couldn't pull the blade back in time. My sword went through her and the leader. Tomoe was bleeding everywhere. I was helpless. With the last of her strength she completed my scar. She smiled then---then she died."  
  
Kaoru couldn't believe it. She had known that it had been bad but she never dreamed it was anything like this. She crawled over to where Kenshin laid. She scooped him up onto her lap and held him against her in a gentle embrace. After years of holding it all in, Kenshin let it all out. Long over do tears spilled out. Kaoru's heart wrenched at the sound of him crying. She had rarely seen him do so. She wished she could go into the past and changed everything. But that was impossible. She didn't know what to do besides comfort him. That was all she could do. She realized that he needed her as much as she needed him. Age didn't matter anymore.  
  
"Kenshin, I have something I need to tell you. I'm tired of lying to myself. Aishiteru. I really do."  
  
Kenshin looked at her. All sorts of emotions played across his face. His tears had long since stopped falling. He was shocked and overjoyed at the same time. A small amount of lost light returned to his eyes and replaced a bit of the pain.  
  
"Kaoru, we've both been lying to ourselves. Aishiteru too. I have since loved you since I met you. You're me reason for living now. That's why the rest of me died when I thought you when I thought you were dead. I couldn't imagine life without you."  
  
Kaoru's face lit up. She had waited so long for that. They no longer were hiding from each other. She kissed him. It last a few minutes but it was longer for them. When they broke it, Kaoru noticed that Kenshin was smiling for the first time in a long time.  
  
Kenshin yawned and slowly felt sleep take him over again. He was physically and mentally exhausted. Kaoru laid him back down and watched him fall asleep. She got up, walked over to the shouji door, opened it, and stepped out. She whispered "aishiteru" before shutting the door. The wounds from the past would probably never heal completely. They never do. Now that they loved each other perhaps they would finally be easier to bear. Maybe a broken heart would finally be given wings to fly.  
  
Author's Note: I have no idea what inspired me to write this. It was a spur of the moment idea. Sorry if some of the facts weren't correct and all. I hope you liked it anyway. This was really hard to write. I don't expect to be writing anything like this for awhile. This is completely angsty. I usually try to at least have some humor because most stories need it. It would have been inappropriate to do that in this story. I at least tried to end the story on a somewhat happy note. Please review and tell me what you think. I'm not exactly sure if this is the best thing I've ever written. Oh and one more thing, for those of you that don't know even though I'm sure most of you do "aishiteru" means "I love you". That's all for now. Bye!  
  
Miles of smiles, Naomi  
  
* 


End file.
